National Testosterone Day
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Well, 19 June was Father's Day, and according to Wikipedia it is "a celebration honouring fathers and celebrating fatherhood, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society." It was first created in the 20th century (though I am probably 83% wrong about this date, since the internet is full of sadistic lies and naked pictures of Paris Hilton), but back then I’m pretty sure alcohol didn’t come in a 6-pack with a free coupon to test drive the latest Kia Serato.
It kinda seems as if these days we’ve got it all wrong. I’m sure many of you can reminisce with me about when you were a kid; Father’s Day was all about making your dad happy on “His Day”, getting up early to make him his favourite breakfast, letting him have total control of the remote for one whole day and creating the greatest card he would definitely cherish. But now, dads are coming right out with what they want for this day, and how they should spend it. They get upset when they don’t receive the nicest gifts, and making pancakes from scratch isn’t enough anymore. Don’t even get me started on Mother’s Day commercialism, but that’s another story.
My family is really close, so whenever a day like this rolls into the calendar, we take the time to get together and relax. For men, this day means finally getting to watch the big match without any moaning from their female counterparts, eating tons of barbequed meat (or grass if you’re a vegetarian) and having meaningless conversations with their brother-in-laws and nephews. The flower and chocolate stores just love Mother’s Day – hello, ching ching anyone? But the real moola lies in the countless bottle stores in town who will stay open till midnight, waiting for drunk buffoons to roll around and pick up a truck full of booze on this very day.
Just out of curiosity, what do gay guys do on this day with their straight father’s? It must be pretty awkward when you have that one uncle. You know, “the uncle”. We all have him. The one who’s the first to get drunk on New Year’s Day and throw up behind the pile of dirt in your backyard; the one who convinces your parents to let you date that oh-so-wrong-for-you person; the one who shrieks so much of testosterone, he doesn’t even need to use Shield For Men. Yeah, what kind of conversations do gays have with their “Uncle” on Father’s Day?
One can only hope that his liver caves in and he realises that drinking is suddenly bad for his system, calls it a night and waits until National Testosterone Day rolls around next year June.
Maybe I should email them Wikipedia folks, and tell them their cutesy information about Dad’s Day is all wrong.
If they don’t listen, maybe the bottle stores can sign my petition. Hope all you George Michaels out there survived this year’s one.
It kinda seems as if these days we’ve got it all wrong. I’m sure many of you can reminisce with me about when you were a kid; Father’s Day was all about making your dad happy on “His Day”, getting up early to make him his favourite breakfast, letting him have total control of the remote for one whole day and creating the greatest card he would definitely cherish. But now, dads are coming right out with what they want for this day, and how they should spend it. They get upset when they don’t receive the nicest gifts, and making pancakes from scratch isn’t enough anymore. Don’t even get me started on Mother’s Day commercialism, but that’s another story.
My family is really close, so whenever a day like this rolls into the calendar, we take the time to get together and relax. For men, this day means finally getting to watch the big match without any moaning from their female counterparts, eating tons of barbequed meat (or grass if you’re a vegetarian) and having meaningless conversations with their brother-in-laws and nephews. The flower and chocolate stores just love Mother’s Day – hello, ching ching anyone? But the real moola lies in the countless bottle stores in town who will stay open till midnight, waiting for drunk buffoons to roll around and pick up a truck full of booze on this very day.
Just out of curiosity, what do gay guys do on this day with their straight father’s? It must be pretty awkward when you have that one uncle. You know, “the uncle”. We all have him. The one who’s the first to get drunk on New Year’s Day and throw up behind the pile of dirt in your backyard; the one who convinces your parents to let you date that oh-so-wrong-for-you person; the one who shrieks so much of testosterone, he doesn’t even need to use Shield For Men. Yeah, what kind of conversations do gays have with their “Uncle” on Father’s Day?
One can only hope that his liver caves in and he realises that drinking is suddenly bad for his system, calls it a night and waits until National Testosterone Day rolls around next year June.
Maybe I should email them Wikipedia folks, and tell them their cutesy information about Dad’s Day is all wrong.
If they don’t listen, maybe the bottle stores can sign my petition. Hope all you George Michaels out there survived this year’s one.