China. As Criticized By Me. Deal With It
PART I
I’ve had this article on my mind for a while now, but haven’t had the guts to tempt the Chinese Government by publishing the truth about what I think of living in China. Don’t worry, overall it’s all good thoughts, so you can relax President Ma.
I like lists. Lists are easy, so here’s my pro’s and con’s to living in the tiny city of Hefei, Anhui Province, and what living overseas has taught me. It’s almost a year since I first left for China, and mind you this article does not necessarily reflect the views of the people I study with, any citizens of China or any other person affiliated with me. It does not reflect any view I have of other destinations in China, except Hefei. Consider that this may also be a comparison to the only other countries I know, those being South Africa and Thailand. Sorry for being so formal, but as Russell Peters joked when he said he doesn’t like criticizing Arabs: Hmmm, I don’t want to say anything harsh about the DRC because uh… I DON’T WANT TO DIE!
I’m going to start with the bad items, so that I can fill in the positive things I’ve discovered about Hefei.
Things I dislike about living in Hefei and on my campus:
1. The extremely cold weather in winter (which lasts about 5 months, from November to March), and the intense summer heat.
2. The lack of Western medicine in nearby pharmacies, especially since Traditional Chinese medicine takes longer to work when you get sick in the brutal winter. Studying at University and having a simple cold for 3 weeks has never happened to me before.
3. How expensive international food can be compared to other food prices, or the deficiency of international food, such as finding cheese easily, proper chocolate like Cadbury, normal flavoured junk food (Seaweed Lays is not my cup of Green tea. Actually, Green tea is not my cup of tea either), non-weird lettuce, nice tasting Mayonnaise that doesn’t look sperm/semen-infested (excuse my frankness), sweeter desserts and real ice-cream, beef burgers, sweeter fruit, tinned foods like beans or fish, and Milo that isn't watery. It would be nice if I could buy hot chocolate easily and actually find popcorn and sauces, like sweet chili, without having to take a taxi into a dodgy part of the city to the bulk buying shop. Canteen food is bleh. Nuff’ said. I have yet to find chocolate milkshakes, and that is my favourite drink so when I’m sad there is nothing I can do but be sad…
4. The language barrier is a real debacle. As soon as I leave the classroom I am surrounded by a flurry of colourful gibberish that makes me feel the exact frustration I did when I was 4 years old and couldn’t reach anything, and couldn’t read how to operate the VCR or when the milk would expire. Yes, I worried about being dependent even at that age. Speaking Mandarin is even harder than not being able to read it; pronunciation of the various tones could mean that shouting “ba” refers to ‘father’, or calmly saying “ba” means you want ‘eight’. Trying saying “Baba” and meaning your parent, without some old Chinese lady thinking you have eight dads!
5. The complexity of the Chinese’s characters: Sometimes they like foreigners and follow us everywhere; sometimes they deliberately push past us, spit right where we’re walking, point and scream, or stare and openly take pictures of us. I’ve learnt that when you get lost in a market and need help, always approach the nearest Chinese person that is staring at you. It helps if they may be smiling too. You know in Western society, when someone is being rude to you by staring and you smile and wave at them, and then they feel humiliated and never do it again? Well, when a Chinese person openly stares at me and I’m lost, I walk over to them and they have no choice but to stay put and face their victim. Why do I say this? Because when I approach a random Chinese person to ask for help, they give me a dirty look and run away. Always approach someone who made eye contact first! Plus I hate that very few people (mostly kids, and those lazy blokes at McDonald’s) speak English. Often, the Chinese kids in my university pretend they can’t understand English so that they can eavesdrop on your conversations, or they often giggle and make that gossiping face when they see foreigners on campus.
6. Hate is a very strong word, but since ice-cream and McDonald’s is my favourite food, screw me over regarding this and you are officially dead to me. I hate, no HATE mother f-ing hate that when I go to the nearby McD’s at night, they don’t have ice-cream or any other burger besides a cheese burger. They often don’t have anything besides cheese burgers, corn and coke at night. This just refers to the branch near my dormitory, where the McD’s employees are a tad rude, lazy to serve you, and not willing to give you 3 sugars when you ask. McDonald’s is 24/7, but I often get told “The kitchen is closed” or, “We have no food except coke”. I hardly go to McD’s anyway, so this may just possibly be my dumb luck that always follows me in SA.
7. All the public bathrooms that I have been to have toilets situated on the floor. This is actually not a big deal, except most have an automatic flush that will creep you out and piss you off when you are not done peeing or wiping. Again, excuse my frankness.
8. The grossest thing is how most Chinese people in my city, and again this is just my opinion, chew with their mouths open and talk with food in their mouth. Their cuisine is beautiful yet they don’t seem to appreciate or enjoy it the way we Westerners do with our food. Always eating in a hurry, they hardly take time to let the ingredients sink in or discover the different ways to eat their food. Another thing that pisses me off is when I see people spitting in public. Can’t you swallow your saliva? Many Westerners say they find women who smoke, wear short skirts or have tattoos disgusting; well I find it sordid the manner in which old ladies and dainty Chinese girls hawk a loogie right where you’re walking. And the noises that men make when they also do it is mortifying! Again, this is just my opinion, because it does not mean to say that every Chinese person does this, or that every Asian I see doing this may necessarily be of Chinese ethnicity.
9. Often the food is prepared with lots of oil, so much that it sometimes makes you feel nauseous. Hey, it tastes good but it can’t necessarily be good for your health. However, the Chinese live to be very old, and they all seem very fit and healthy. Anyone who’s over the menopausal age and manages to use a toilet on the floor is definitely in my book of flexible dinosaurs. Madonna is definitely at the top of my list.
10. Lastly, shopping becomes a disaster when you’re looking for deodorant, lotion and face products. I can’t say that shopping for dark skin is a justified problem, because it’s not their fault that all (yes, ALL) the people have fair skin and most are Asian, so I understand the lack of products to cater for African hair, Indian hair, makeup for dark skin, as well as clothes to suit different body types, or shoes for people needing larger sizes. My advice: Go shopping crazy when you go back home for things you cannot find in Hefei, if you are living there.
Continued in Part II, where I give my list of things I love about Hefei, and most probably the rest of China.
I like lists. Lists are easy, so here’s my pro’s and con’s to living in the tiny city of Hefei, Anhui Province, and what living overseas has taught me. It’s almost a year since I first left for China, and mind you this article does not necessarily reflect the views of the people I study with, any citizens of China or any other person affiliated with me. It does not reflect any view I have of other destinations in China, except Hefei. Consider that this may also be a comparison to the only other countries I know, those being South Africa and Thailand. Sorry for being so formal, but as Russell Peters joked when he said he doesn’t like criticizing Arabs: Hmmm, I don’t want to say anything harsh about the DRC because uh… I DON’T WANT TO DIE!
I’m going to start with the bad items, so that I can fill in the positive things I’ve discovered about Hefei.
Things I dislike about living in Hefei and on my campus:
1. The extremely cold weather in winter (which lasts about 5 months, from November to March), and the intense summer heat.
2. The lack of Western medicine in nearby pharmacies, especially since Traditional Chinese medicine takes longer to work when you get sick in the brutal winter. Studying at University and having a simple cold for 3 weeks has never happened to me before.
3. How expensive international food can be compared to other food prices, or the deficiency of international food, such as finding cheese easily, proper chocolate like Cadbury, normal flavoured junk food (Seaweed Lays is not my cup of Green tea. Actually, Green tea is not my cup of tea either), non-weird lettuce, nice tasting Mayonnaise that doesn’t look sperm/semen-infested (excuse my frankness), sweeter desserts and real ice-cream, beef burgers, sweeter fruit, tinned foods like beans or fish, and Milo that isn't watery. It would be nice if I could buy hot chocolate easily and actually find popcorn and sauces, like sweet chili, without having to take a taxi into a dodgy part of the city to the bulk buying shop. Canteen food is bleh. Nuff’ said. I have yet to find chocolate milkshakes, and that is my favourite drink so when I’m sad there is nothing I can do but be sad…
4. The language barrier is a real debacle. As soon as I leave the classroom I am surrounded by a flurry of colourful gibberish that makes me feel the exact frustration I did when I was 4 years old and couldn’t reach anything, and couldn’t read how to operate the VCR or when the milk would expire. Yes, I worried about being dependent even at that age. Speaking Mandarin is even harder than not being able to read it; pronunciation of the various tones could mean that shouting “ba” refers to ‘father’, or calmly saying “ba” means you want ‘eight’. Trying saying “Baba” and meaning your parent, without some old Chinese lady thinking you have eight dads!
5. The complexity of the Chinese’s characters: Sometimes they like foreigners and follow us everywhere; sometimes they deliberately push past us, spit right where we’re walking, point and scream, or stare and openly take pictures of us. I’ve learnt that when you get lost in a market and need help, always approach the nearest Chinese person that is staring at you. It helps if they may be smiling too. You know in Western society, when someone is being rude to you by staring and you smile and wave at them, and then they feel humiliated and never do it again? Well, when a Chinese person openly stares at me and I’m lost, I walk over to them and they have no choice but to stay put and face their victim. Why do I say this? Because when I approach a random Chinese person to ask for help, they give me a dirty look and run away. Always approach someone who made eye contact first! Plus I hate that very few people (mostly kids, and those lazy blokes at McDonald’s) speak English. Often, the Chinese kids in my university pretend they can’t understand English so that they can eavesdrop on your conversations, or they often giggle and make that gossiping face when they see foreigners on campus.
6. Hate is a very strong word, but since ice-cream and McDonald’s is my favourite food, screw me over regarding this and you are officially dead to me. I hate, no HATE mother f-ing hate that when I go to the nearby McD’s at night, they don’t have ice-cream or any other burger besides a cheese burger. They often don’t have anything besides cheese burgers, corn and coke at night. This just refers to the branch near my dormitory, where the McD’s employees are a tad rude, lazy to serve you, and not willing to give you 3 sugars when you ask. McDonald’s is 24/7, but I often get told “The kitchen is closed” or, “We have no food except coke”. I hardly go to McD’s anyway, so this may just possibly be my dumb luck that always follows me in SA.
7. All the public bathrooms that I have been to have toilets situated on the floor. This is actually not a big deal, except most have an automatic flush that will creep you out and piss you off when you are not done peeing or wiping. Again, excuse my frankness.
8. The grossest thing is how most Chinese people in my city, and again this is just my opinion, chew with their mouths open and talk with food in their mouth. Their cuisine is beautiful yet they don’t seem to appreciate or enjoy it the way we Westerners do with our food. Always eating in a hurry, they hardly take time to let the ingredients sink in or discover the different ways to eat their food. Another thing that pisses me off is when I see people spitting in public. Can’t you swallow your saliva? Many Westerners say they find women who smoke, wear short skirts or have tattoos disgusting; well I find it sordid the manner in which old ladies and dainty Chinese girls hawk a loogie right where you’re walking. And the noises that men make when they also do it is mortifying! Again, this is just my opinion, because it does not mean to say that every Chinese person does this, or that every Asian I see doing this may necessarily be of Chinese ethnicity.
9. Often the food is prepared with lots of oil, so much that it sometimes makes you feel nauseous. Hey, it tastes good but it can’t necessarily be good for your health. However, the Chinese live to be very old, and they all seem very fit and healthy. Anyone who’s over the menopausal age and manages to use a toilet on the floor is definitely in my book of flexible dinosaurs. Madonna is definitely at the top of my list.
10. Lastly, shopping becomes a disaster when you’re looking for deodorant, lotion and face products. I can’t say that shopping for dark skin is a justified problem, because it’s not their fault that all (yes, ALL) the people have fair skin and most are Asian, so I understand the lack of products to cater for African hair, Indian hair, makeup for dark skin, as well as clothes to suit different body types, or shoes for people needing larger sizes. My advice: Go shopping crazy when you go back home for things you cannot find in Hefei, if you are living there.
Continued in Part II, where I give my list of things I love about Hefei, and most probably the rest of China.